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Brittani Boren Leach has laid her baby boy to rest after her late 3-month old was found unresponsive during a nap on Christmas Day.

The 29-year-old YouTube star shared an emotional message on Instagram on Wednesday, along with a photo of little Crew’s casket and another photo of her other children at the funeral.

“We laid our sweet baby boy to rest today, and a part of me went with him,” Leach wrote. “During his memorial, Carter reached over and grabbed my hand. Then Cooper laid his hand on ours and then Sydney laid hers on top. I’m so so proud of them.”

“We will always feel like we are missing a piece of our family, because we are,” she said. “And until we get to Heaven, I know he’s smiling, laughing and playing at the feet of Jesus.”

“I just wish he was here instead,” Leach continued, explaining that the family “laid a tiny blue cape with a ‘C’ on it over his casket to celebrate our little Hero Crew. It was Jeff’s idea and I loved it. Thank you to everyone who made it today, your support means so much to us. ? #crewscrew #blueforcrew.”

The Leach family made the decision to donate Crew’s organs, and the hospital where he was being treated held an honor walk for the infant three days after his death.

“Our sweet Crew went to be with Jesus today,” Leach wrote on Instagram on December 30. “Right now Crew is dancing and playing in Heaven with Jeff’s brother, great grandparents, a little brother I never met, and some very special little boys. And one day we hope we to meet the 3 or 4 little lives that he has saved. But right now there’s a big hole in my heart and my arms feel empty.”

Leach has been very open about how difficult it has been for her to deal with Crew’s sudden death.

“It’s all just too much. All of it. I know God has a plan for this, but I’m really really mad at him right now,” she wrote in another Instagram post the day before the honor walk that showed her curled up on the floor.

She expressed how difficult it was for her to accomplish tasks like “pumping breastmilk just to pour it down the drain. Hearing a baby cry. Seeing a baby his age. Shopping Nordstrom for the dress I’ll wear to my son’s funeral.”

“It’s all too much. I’m sorry to vent, but this is my heart. And I need all the prayers to get through this.”

On Monday, the YouTube personality expressed her gratitude for the outpouring of support from her fans.

“We have been blown away by the support, kindness and selflessness of so many in this community that we have never even met, and ‘thank you’ would never be enough,” she wrote on Instagram. “Social media can be a very toxic place, but what we have witnessed over the past week and a half has been truly incredible.”

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